There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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