Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
