I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
