Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
pray to the hookup gods
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
