We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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