I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I AM VODKA MAN
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
