Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
