your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he was CRYING into my vagina
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
