I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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