He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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