I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
