My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
