I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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