Pants 0. Shit 1.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My vagina just clenched in fear
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
