He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
