I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
