while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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