Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
