Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
