I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
