ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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