My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
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