if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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