Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
