When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
