laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
