Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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