whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
