saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
