we made out on top of his cat.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Houston, we have a squirter
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
