She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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