Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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