You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
