Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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