It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
