I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
