No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I can't turn off my feet"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
