i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
