I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My ass is underappreciated
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
