so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this boner is exhausting
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
