just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
