if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I seem to have left my pride at pride
where does the pee come out of this thing
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
