I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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