Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
