Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize