her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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