i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
