Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
