it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
