Princesses don't give blow jobs
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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