Don't make out with my wife yet
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He shit in the fireplace
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
