You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
