I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
