Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
