I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
