you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
