Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
