Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She said her name was "party"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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