my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Dicks are not precious.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
