i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
