did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
